Not in a trillion years did I imagine I’d speak of or discuss soccer. It’s not one of my favorite sports. However, with reverence and a lack of knowledge, I’ll try to find something other than the USA World Cup red card to discuss about this hands-free sport.

I had the goofy thought that rather than delivering yellow or red cards as a form of punishment, players should be presented with greeting cards. With all the theatrics, it seems appropriate.

Dear sir, we regret to inform you that you’ve done something not in malice but the person who is wailing in pain wishes fo deliver this: Get unwell soon. Yours truly, referee Charles.

Sorry about the infraction. Your mother makes a delightful lamb . With love and forgiveness. Referee Dick.

Dear sir: This card greets you with fruitless sadness. Happy Holidays.

Dear Sir. Sadly, I had to deliver this card on Mother’s Day. Sorry she was run over by a tractor. Yours truly: Referee Tom.

Coming from a world in which I had multiple concussions, not just in football or even baseball, but basement fights….well that’s just the way it was. No crying, no cards. The talent of these soccer players is remarkable, but they should leave the flopping for the fish.