These Aren’t Gold?

At the ages between five and 18, when you win wrestling tournaments, you receive a medal.  It may look like gold, but isn’t genuine gold. As a youngster, around nine or ten years of age, I won a few myself, but they weren’t even worth a copper penny.  They weren’t worth zinc.  Then, I began taking second and third place, thus receiving silver and bronze medals.  Those medals were made of aluminum foil and caramel apples.  The gold ran out for me just like it did for those after the rush.

In Alaska, they refer to those gold medals as fool’s gold.  Evidently, nobody can fool one of my great nephews.  His name is Rocco, and with that name, you better live up to that name.  As a wrestler, so far, he has.  He additionally is trying to maintain a sense of reality. With the help of his father, after winning a few of these “gold” medals himself, his father, Pat, had to break the news to his young son.  “Rocco, you know those aren’t made out of genuine gold, right?”

“These aren’t really made of Gold?”

“No.”

Wildly disappointed, and with maniacal curiosity, Rocco asked, “How do I get REAL gold?”

Pat made an attempt to explain to his son what real gold was, then proceeded to tell him how he could obtain this precious medal.  “You mine for it in California, or Alaska or win it in the Olympics.”

This didn’t sit well with Rocco at all.  Quite sure his goal is not to be a miner when he grows up, I guess we’ll see how much sweat, blood and tears he have will to suffer through to obtain gold at the Olympics.

Honestly, I think a smaller, yet worthy and more obtainable goal, would be striving for becoming, I don’t know, a doctor or an astronaut.

I’ll write the conclusion to this blog in about twenty years.

 

March

It’s time for  March Madness, and more importantly, gambling.

My wife wants my advice regarding the NCAA tournament brackets.  She believes I know more about gambling than the professionals in Las Vegas making a living off of people like me.  I am currently paying off some of their mortgages.

It should be simple, but it is also fun and unpredictable.  The weather in Seattle or the East Coast is far more predictable.

Overrated

Without disclosing how I voted, I find certain observations by the person who will hold the highest position in the world relatively overrated.  That doesn’t mean I necessarily agree with some people, places and things he believes to be overrated or fake. I just think some of his true comments are funny.  So, let’s laugh for the next four years before I run for President…….of some undisclosed or, “fake” nation.

 

“Midwestern ice storms are overrated.”

“Christmas is way overrated.  Who is this Jesus guy?”

“Carrots are overrated.  They don’t improve your eyesight.  Just ask Bugs Bunny.”

“Chess is overrated.”

“Gandhi should have eaten more.”

“Cassius Clay was clearly overrated.”

“I’ve never heard of Babe Ruth, but I bet he was overrated.”

“Lou Gehrig was a phony. That disease is overrated.”

“Great White Sharks are overrated.  Jaws was fake. Just look at the footage.  It’s comical.”

“Rocky is real.”

“The Moon doesn’t exist ……respectfully, for those who thought they walked on it.”

“Hacking, unless properly utilized, is overrated.”

“Bigfoot does exist, just in case you were wondering.  I can’t prove it.  I can’t prove anything.”

” And lastly, and most critical, Cheetos are overrated.  The mascot is not Tony the Tiger.”

Only because he will destroy our country, or make it better, as an American voter, I will root for him, but I won’t kiss his lucky tower.

This puny world can exist without Barnum and Bailey’s elephants, but we can also exist without this clown.

 

 

 

The Revolution

Just to let everyone in cyberspace know, the New Year doesn’t officially begin until the college football National Champion is proved to be worth the wait.  Therefore, don’t worry about your phony resolutions until Tuesday, the ninth of January.  Wipe that sweat off your brow, and live it up for two more days.  I’m making stew.

Our Favorite Holiday (7) Moods

Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter, Jewish rituals.  All respected and appreciated by my father, but no holiday compared to game seven of the World Series.  As a man of faith, he attended church more than regularly, but he appreciated both the love of baseball and the fact game seven of the World Series wasn’t deemed as a Holy Day.  Rather, he left us believe it would be a hope, or future treasure chest filled with nostalgia which we could open years later and say, “We watched that game with our dad.”   We didn’t have to go to church on these days.

Rather than inviting people over, he’d only allow pedestrians in if they were interested in the game.  Following the game, you must stay off the phone, because one of his great friends, annually, would call him after the final out.  If you stayed off the phone, and watched the game with popcorn wedged in your teeth, game seven was more than just a good mood.

No Debate

I can’t believe I’m watching the Presidential Debates tonight as opposed to watching the NLCS between the Cubs and the Dodgers.  Both candidates in baseball may be worthy of competing for the World Series.  Ooops!  I just changed the channel.

 

Paws

“The next time you place your tiny paws on my computer, it better result in a great (expletive) story!  Otherwise, get off my keyboard!  Evidently, delete and publish means nothing to you.  Got it??”

A conversation with our kitten.

 

Cramping

One of my sisters once said camping in a hotel was much better than camping outdoors. My friend, one of the toughest guys I’ve ever met, would agree with my sister.

A terrific comedian, Jim Gaffiigan, did a fabulous bit on the miseries of camping and the possibilities of being eaten by a wild animal.  I can’t steal his humorous thunder, but I can describe the reality, vicariously, through one of my friends.

What you are about to read is shocking. These are text excerpts from a friend currently camping with his wife, family, and some friends.

Day one: “Let the wife do all the shopping for me and packing.  She woke up bubbly this morning, and my goal is to knock the bubbly out of her being.”  (I requested confirmation.)  “I need her to stop being bubbly.  So, I’m going to antagonize her until she is no longer bubbly.  I want her to be as miserable as me.  So, I’m knocking the bubbly out of her being.”  (When not camping, this is a happily married couple of over fifteen years with three wonderful sons.)

Day Two: He just described his wife as a Roman Candle.  She didn’t respond very well after she did all the packing and retrieved all the food. Evidently, she didn’t pack his favorite foods.  He may be sleeping in the car, if there is one near by.

Update: “I was a dick head to my wife at a subconscious level.”

How lovely.  This poor man loves his wife, but hates his weekend life in the woods. I’m not buying that entirely.

Day Three:  “I’m going to cover myself with honey and this expensive huckleberry jam we purchased at the campsite’s convenient store in hopes a bear soon takes me out of my misery.”

I haven’t heard from him since.